For most of my time as a mom, I have struggled to be present when home with my kids. I find my mind continuously running through the to-do list, the projects I have at work, the mountain of dishes in the sink, and wondering what the hell I am going to cook for dinner. This whirlwind has been a huge barrier for me in connecting with my children in the ways I would like. On really rough days I would find myself counting down the minutes to bedtime longing for a break only to be overcome with mom guilt as soon as they went to bed. For years this cycle continued until one day I realized that I had to do things differently.  

 

I know that I am not alone in this struggle, many of the women I have worked with have shared similar experiences, feelings, and pressure to be present only to find themselves falling short. Many of us want to do things differently however we are unsure of how to even go about creating more presence in our lives while remaining functional within the everyday care tasks that have to get done.

 

I’m going to guide you through things I found helpful on my journey of presence step by step so that you can discover the magic of everyday life that is already happening right before your very eyes. Don’t worry this isn’t another blog post telling you “the dishes can wait you should……….” I’m going to give you realistic ideas that allow you to build lasting beautiful emotional connections with your children and let you do the damn dishes.  

 

 

Presence is the state of being fully engaged and aware of the moment we are in. It’s about giving our full attention to our children, listening to them with our hearts, and responding to their needs with empathy and understanding. In the context of motherhood, being present means setting aside distractions and immersing ourselves in the world of our children even if for a few moments.

 

Research shows that children who feel their parents are present and engaged tend to have higher self-esteem, better emotional regulation, and stronger social skills. Presence also benefits you as the mom and allows you to experience the joys of motherhood more fully and can reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm.

 

We must shed the all-or-nothing mindset of presence, it isn’t possible to be present every single waking moment of your child's life. You would be exhausted and your child would lack some serious social and independence skills. Instead, I want you to focus on creating small daily moments of intentional presence, even just 5 to 10 minutes a day has been proven to provide benefits. 

 

 

1. Practice Mindfulness for Yourself First: Mindfulness is the practice of bringing our attention to the present moment without judgment. Start by setting aside a few minutes each day to sit quietly and focus on your breath. Notice the sensations in your body and the thoughts passing through your mind. As you become more comfortable with this practice, try to incorporate mindfulness into your daily activities. When you’re with your children, make a conscious effort to be fully present. Notice the details of their faces, the sound of their laughter, and the feel of their tiny hands in yours. You can model this to your children and begin teaching them mindfulness techniques as you practice together. 

 

2. Limit Distractions: I choose to have time blocks set aside where I place my phone in the other room to spend quality time with my kids. For me, housework is also a HUGE distraction so I have created 30 time blocks for cleaning in the morning and evening so I know there is a dedicated time to get things done later, which allows me to enjoy moments with my kids without being haunted by dirty dishes in the sink.  

 

3. Create Rituals and Traditions: Establishing family rituals and traditions can help create special moments of connection. Whether it’s a daily bedtime story, a weekend donut run, or a yearly vacation to the beach, these rituals provide opportunities to be fully present and create lasting memories. We love to make Chatbooks every year for Christmas that include pictures of our adventures that leave the kids relieving these memories year-round. 

 

4. Engage in Play: Play is a powerful way to connect with your children and be present. Get down on the floor and engage in their world. Whether it’s building a Lego tower, having a tea party, or playing a board game, these moments of play are opportunities to bond and show your children that you value their company and interests. It is also a great way for us to relieve stress and allow our inner child out to play.

 

5. Listen with Intention: When your child is speaking to you, give them your full attention. Get on their level, make eye contact, nod, and respond thoughtfully. Show them that their thoughts and feelings are important to you. This not only strengthens your bond but also teaches them the importance of active listening and empathy while establishing an open line of communication to last through their lifetime.

 

6. Doorway Intentions: I use doorways as a trigger to ask myself “What is my intention when I enter this room?” This helps me navigate a better work-life balance as I can create mental and emotional boundaries for work and be all in with my kids when I walk through my front door. I also love to visualize how I want to show up when I walk through certain doors like waking my kids up for school, greeting them when we come back together, and putting them down for bed at the end of the night. This helps me focus on creating the connective moments I want that are meaningful to me as well as to them. 

 

7. Self-Care is Essential: Taking care of yourself is crucial for being present. I love to give myself a mid-day break on my front porch to take a breath and reset my nervous system. When I am taking a moment to generate feelings of calm and peace I am better able to show up in presence when I return inside.  

 

 

Being present in motherhood has been such a gift to me, I find that I am more confident in my parenting, that my kids are more responsive to me, and that I feel in alignment with the type of mom I want to be. The magic of childhood has spilled over into my life and I notice more of the small, simple yet beautiful moments that have been there all along. 

 

In the end, our children will remember the small things, the laughter, the moments of pure joy, and the feeling of being truly seen and valued. So take a deep breath, set the intention of presence, and create moments to immerse yourselves in the world of your children. This is how you create a magic and thriving motherhood, one moment at a time.